I feel nothing,
An unexplainable feeling,
Unhappiness about something,
I can't say the meaning.

I need to cry,
I need to yell,
This feeling I need to pry
Away from me with a happy spell.

But I'm alone,
Alone to mourn,
Why don't I know
Why I'm so down?

I try to smile with all my might
But my lips turn the wrong way around.
Blurred is my sight,
The reason is yet to be found.

I'm angry but calm,
I cry but no tears come,
I feel the need to harm,
I feel like I'm dumb.

I feel unexplainable.
I feel monotonous.
I feel no happiness.
I feel so dead...

I need someone
To cheer me up
I don't want to be alone,
I need happiness in a cup.

My old smile
I need to see.
I would travel a mile
To get out of this reveree.

But I'm stuck.
In this void of helplessness.
I feel like dirty muck,
My whole life is nothing but a mess.

When I need to cry, or just put all my stress out, i have only one way of doing it. If I'm angry and shouldn't be, there's only one thing that'll help. People excercise, fight, yell it out, cry it out, anything. But for me it's different. Not that I can't put it out verbally. I do at times. But this helps more. Why? Maybe because it's relaxing. Maybe because it's the only thing that can't make me angry or sad. Excercise means realising I'm fat. Result: i'm annoyed. Yell? To what? The wall? And cry? Why cry if there are other ways of doing it? I find it hard to cry too, anyways. I have a really sad theory with tears, which has something to do with salt. But never mind that. It's unimportant.

So what do I resort to doing during annoying times? Shut myself in my bedroom, open the case and pull out my guitar. How can I get angry with my guitar? I strum chords and I feel better. I feel myself relax. That's when I know I'm good at something at least a little. And if I have that sort of comfort, I don't need anything else. You could say that I 'strum my pain away'. Although it doesn't necassarily have to be pain.

It's my source of happiness, I guess. And I'm not exaggerating and trying to be those rock stars who 'can't live without their guitar'. I'm sure I could live without it...but only in a state of slight misery. I need to play needlessly on it, to feel the vibrations of music 'heal me'. I know that a lot of guitarists agree with me, except for those who get angry when they mess up a note. But even that doesn't bother me somehow. I laugh at my mistakes because of the sounds that I produce from the instrument. I'm serious. It sends me laughing. And that helps more with any problem or trouble I'm going through. I don't know where I would be without Snoopy!

When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch
I'm gonna run to you.
I'm gonna run to you.
'Cause when the feeling's right,
I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you
I'm gonna run to you.
- 'Run To You', Bryan Adams

My Holiday Resolutions:

* Excersise on the tredmill every morning (Must Do. Have you seen the size of my thighs??)

* Try my best to not blow my hard-earned money on trivial things.

* Reduce eating junk food. (No, I'm NOT going to completely stop eating junk food. That's highly impossible!)

* Download more songs! (I have to reach at least 250 songs! I'm pathetic! But I won't download irritating songs.. songs which i like, duh!)

* Reduce computer time (So difficult....)

* Read more books! (I have a challenge by my uncle to read a novel by the time he coems next!)

* Try doing more arts and crafts (Like that's ever going to happen. But there's nothing wrong in hoping...)

Phew...I have no idea if I can do it! But I'll do as much as I can! And, I know this isn't material for a blog...but hey, it IS my blog. So I can do whatever I want!

"This time I'm going to try anything to just feel better!"

-- All That I am - Santana feat. Steven Tyler

The lowest, dirtiest, most annoying thing in the whole world...or rather in the whole of india: Hindi. How such a horrible language entered this Earth is beyond anything. Whomever invented it must have been crazy... yea sure, it's our national language... if it's a national language, then why does the southern states not have it as a language? I'll tell you why in my opinion: No one here likes it. That's not necassary, I know. But I need to quench the thirst to throttle the person who suggested it as a national language.

I'll tell you how I brought this about: my exam. And what really perturbs me is that nobody actually speaks hindi in the way that we learn it! That really annoys me. Can't we speak it like that then? If anyone disagrees with me (and I'm sure a lot of people do... especially north indians and I don't blame them), then don't say anything. I'm feeling irritable with the damned subject so don't try to reason it out. Sigh...