He stole everything I had,
Yet he begs for forgiveness.
He makes me go mad,
And he will never let me rest.

He asks for money,
So I ask for life.
To my will, I've lost the key,
He took it from me.

When he smiles his smile,
It makes me cry
Because he doesn't have the right
To be happy.

He speaks with pride,
Then I want to cut his tongue.
Because all he can be proud of
Is the fact that he's still alive.

He left me to rot,
In this deep hole of loneliness,
Alone and powerless,
Because he wanted to.

He told my secrets,
Broke my promises,
Ebbed away my happiness,
Entered the loneliness.

He haunts my very existence,
When all I want is my joy back,
He hated me for being happy,
Because he could never be.

I cherished our friendship,
I held it like my life,
Then he broke it,
Sliced through it with a knife...

If I get the chance,
I'll show him wait pain is,
If I find him,
He'll find himself screaming.

And I have...
So he begs for forgiveness...
When all he did
Was bring me pain.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey,hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June,hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the
lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking
at yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey,hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey,hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphereI
'm afraid that she might think of me as plain
ol' JaneTold a story about a man who is too afraid to
fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along
the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me,
did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking
for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-friedchicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried
romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along
the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Repeat 1st Chorus

"Road trippin with my two favourite allies" - Road trippin' by rhcp.

My two favourite allies: Vidyullekha Raman and Nidhi Prasad. You have no idea how much we've been through as best friends! Althoough, let's keep Vidyullekha as just plain Vidyu. She seems to hate the Lekha.

I don't think I'd be so happy as a person if it weren't for these two people. I know they're there for me and hopefully they know I'm there for them. We know each other like the back of our hands. It's incredible.

Vidyu: She's one of those types of people who you can have just plain fun with. There's no amount of silence between us ever. Possibly because of the weird noises she makes most of the time which sends us into ripples of laughs. Yet, we've been through many hard times. Too many to count. And of course, the happier times are more in number! We're inseperable. At least I think so! We go crazy together. Yes, people in school thing we're weird and think that we're the sort who they wouldn't want to mingle with, except for a few of course. And that's what makes us special, right Vidyu? When we act crazy we don't care about the surroundings. Proof that we're inseperable: She shifted schools and we're still best friends. This has never happened with any of my other friends. And if I could retrace everyday we've laughed and cried, I would do it with no hesitation. Keep grinning, Joey!

Nidhi: Nidhi joined our group of two-crazy-idiots in the 8th standard. I write this when I'm in the ninth! She seems to have just fitted in perfectly as one of our friends. In the beginning, though, she was a plain, innocent one. Her politeness just became too much to bare. This kept up for a whole term until Vidyu and I came and corrupted her mind to make her what she is today! Now she's as crazy as us... or maybe not. One thing you don't do, however, is to give her chocolate or candy. The girl goes crazy. It takes Sprite and Coke Cola to make me and Vidyu (resp.) to become high. She and I haven't gone as crazy as Vidyu and I and that's probably a good thing! It doesn't matter, though, considering that we became best friends with her for that personality and not some made up crack.

"I'll be there for you,
When the rain starts to pour,
I'll be there for you,
Like I've been there before,
I'll be there for you,
Coz you're there for me too."

- 'I'll be there for you' - Rembrandts.

It feels like forever since I've known this beetle! "Beetle" is the name her friends gave her. I have to agree though, considering her saucer-size eyes! The first time I met her, shruthi (our piggy friend) and I fought over who gets to sit next to her in Vandalur Zoo. And she was equally friendly to me even though she'd known shruthi for a MUUUUUCH longer time. And then, after that trip I completely forgot who she was.

When I was in the 7th standard, my parents and I shifter to thiruvanmyur. My father's office was close by. Yeah, I was glad I could meet Shruthi more!

When we were setting up our flat, we needed measuring tape. My father asked me if I would like to come with him to find some. I agreed. And when we rang the doorbell to the only people we knew in the flats, or rather the only people my father knew in the flats, she opened the door. I didn't remember her. She held a book in her hand (I don't know how I remember so clearly!!) and blinked with those enormous eyes when we asked for measuring tape. That was our second meeting.

Then the next evening, her mum came down with her. My parents started talking with her mum and both of us were silent. I am, unfortunately, pretty shy so I kept glancing over at her. Yeah, I WANTED to talk to her but didn't know how to start the conversation. That's when she asked for where my balcony was and both of us sat there. Slowly, very slowly, we talked more and more. I was happy I finally had at least one friend in the appartment. And now, I still have that one, REALLY close friend. She's been there for me forever uptil now. We've shared laughs and lots of sad times and I don't want to get too sentimental now so I'm going to keep my mouth shut. But, thanks deeps for everything! :D

I decided to write something a little more cheerful! lol. considering the last time I was in this weird deppressed mood!
My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

Her husband, was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found

My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I will shiver the whole night through..

My girl! My girl! Where did you go??
I'm going where the cold wind blows.
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine,
I would shiverrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....The whole.....night.........through........

"And you can't stop the tears that ain't coming"
- Iris by goo goo dolls.

I would runaway and hide. When I was in pain, I would hush myself to sleep. If I had to cry, I wouldn't show anyone. I would run away to a quiet place and cry...like the bathroom. The typical thing. And if afterwards anyone asked me if I had been crying, I would put on my mask and say "What? What the hell gave you that idea?" And they would walk away, unconvinced. If I cry, I feel weak. I feel vulnerable and I don't like it. I find it easier to sit quietly or even pretend to be cheerful to some good friend who would cheer me up without knowing it. I don't tell people if I'm in a bad mood unless I actually need help. They wouldn't know if I'm glum.

It's unfair to make my friends irritated when I snap at them, but it can't be helped. I try not to. I try to grin and laugh it all away. It's hard for me to cry. But then I have cried...no one hasn't. And I'm not talking about only the baby stages....

When my grandfather (paternal) passed away, I found out from a teacher in school. She called me over and said, "Your grandfather passed away?" and I was in the 5th standard so I replied with a, "No miss! He's just really sick." But when I went home, I found out that I was wrong. I didn't see his body. Instead, I walked to my father, threw down my bag and in front of a huge croud, cried and cried. And then I realised that my grandfather wouldn't have wanted me to be sad. He used to tell me whenever I cried that I was a real weakling with a big mustache grin. So I stopped crying. Instead, I went to the room with his body and stared at him. He looked peaceful. He wasn't suffering anymore. I smiled to myself. I was sure he was proud of me for being strong enough. I didn't shed a tear for the rest of the day. So I wasn't too depressed. No. I was. I was very depressed. But it was all inside. I refused to let it out. Not in front of him. I wouldn't let myself. It wouldn't be fair to him.

When my maternal grandfather passed away, though, it was different. I woke up in the morning by my uncle shaking me and my cousin brother saying "Get up, thatha's...gone" and I woke up. I looked at my cousin. He smiled one of his rare, genuine comforting smiles and told me to get ready to go down to see my grandpa. I nodded obediently and got ready. I didn't feel anything then. I just got ready like it was any other day and walked out of the house to the lower floor. But then I saw his body. His lifeless body. I kept begging him in my head, "Please move...move... please..." and he didn't. I knew he wouldn't. I don't know who I was fooling. I went into a room and shed a few small tears.
Later, when they were taking him to the car to take to the crimatorium (if that's the spelling), I followed. And then I saw him on a strecher being taken into a maruthi van. It hit me then that I would never see him again. Ever. And it flew out. I ran into the house and into a bathroom and cried and cried and cried. For so long...I don't remember how long though. But when I came out to go and see them off, see him off, no one was there. They had left. And I hadn't got to say goodbye. I trembled. I was never going to see him again. A family friend came behind me and smiled a warm, comforting smile and that opened the door to my flow of tears. I cried and cried. I regret it miserably that I couldn't have said goodbye to him.

This blog is dedicated to my grandfathers, whom I loved with all my heart. If I ever forget them, I'd be the craziest thing to walk this earth. I want to cry. But it's not coming. I'm just staring at the keyboard and computer. Maybe this is my way of letting it all out...

He was running....running as fast as he could.
He wouldhave to stop, he surely would.
But bwhen and where and why and how?
They would catch up no matter what.

Huffing and wheezing, stumbling and tripping,
His knees scratched, his lip bleeding,
His breath becoming short and raspy.
The thought of black bars making him feeble.

"It was only an apple!" he cried out, sobbing,
"Shut your mouth, it's still called robbing!"
"Please, my wife is sick with our child..."
"Let her go to hell, we're doing our job."

Thunder sounded, lightning flashed,
A trigger was pulled as the rain lashed,
His body shook, that did not just happen...
The guard lay dead, his chest bleeding...

She stood above the jagged rocks,
Her hair blowing in the icy wind,
The dead silence cackling it's mirthful laugh,
Satan smiling under her.

Blood and tears mingled on her pretty face,
The end was not so far away,
The pain of loneliness eating her insides,
As she felt all happiness drift away.

That's when the pain seemed to dissappear,
'How hard would it be?' she thought with a smile,
Just a jump to ease her pain,
Off that cliff that looked so grave.

Psychotic? she wondered. No of course not,
She felt at ease as she spread her arms.
Her heart beat slowed as she took the jump,
Odd bliss entered her hateful heart.

Happiness was not far off,
She laughed her hate, her pain away,
And landed to an icy grave.

Now she writes this, a rueful smile on her face.

I've realised from these past few days that I'm not such a good writer. For two reasons:

# I've looked at works of other people of my age and they're better than mine, all irritation aside.
# I write stories on fanfiction and i normally get good reviews until recently I haven't.

It strikes me as intolerable that I feel that I am capable to write when a good writer should be modest. I get irritated when I get bad reviews. Is that so wrong? I reply to the reviews, trying to be as nice as I can but I find it hard. And I know that's stupid. That people are trying to help. (Except for those warts who actually LIKE critisizing people while their stories aren't so brilliant either.)

I know how bad it feels, like a dagger - a million of them - piercing your heart at a review which says things like "You need more training" and "How could you write something like that??" so I make it a point to give good reviews to the stories I read on fanfiction, because I also happen to know how warm it feels when someone appreciates you for once. But if I think the story is actually pretty bad, I use constructive critisism. And I know it would still hurt the person reading it, so at the end, I show them the parts of the story i liked. If, however, I didn't like the story at all, I just leave it without a word.

The point of this blog is that when you review something or tell the person about the story, think about how they feel. If you feel that this blog is pointless, I probably agree with u!!! -_-'
PS - i had NOTHING to write about

"Wish upon a shooting star"

My friends and I were talking about that. The universe fascinates me. Specially since we just learnt about it in physics. Yes, boring me pays attention to physics. But when the topic is "The Universe", you can't really expect me not to listen.

The fact that stars exist...these large spheres of flaming gas... they're out there. We see them everyday like it's something normal. What's normal about these huge things flaming their asses off (yes, i know they don't have any) out there...and so many of them! Imagine...those things can kill us.

Imagine if there was absolutely NOTHING blocking our vision from stars... that huge stream of stars, running across the sky... and this isn't even the beginning. We're just on one of the wings of the milkyway. And to think there are more of those 'galaxy things' out there, receding from us and becoming faster and faster at receding...

And about the life 'out there'. This, I'm sure most of us have thought of, wondering if there really are green things with beetle-like black eyes and three-fingered-hands. If they exist, will they make us non-existant? Or will they merely observe us? Wondering what us, paculiar creatures are.

How do we know we're not getting controlled by them? How do we know we're not just puppets, all part of an experiment? How are we sure there really ARE more galaxies out there? So many questions...and they can't be answered. Yet, we continue to live, without a single thought of what's around us. What's actually happening. If our planet, along with the rest of the galaxy is just a speck of the huge system?